The Privilege of Pregnancy

I wrote this post from the hospital after being induced. It was late and I was filled with such excitement and nerves that any sleep was impossible. I was a little over watching Netflix and playing games on my phone, so I was glad when my husband brought my laptop in on the condition. I never thought that there would be so much waiting around during birth!

Throughout my pregnancy I’ve been extremely conscious and aware of how lucky we are; lucky to have fallen pregnant and lucky to watch each milestone. I knew that each pregnancy symptom, no matter how terrible it may be, was a privilege that some dream to experience.

Dealing with diabetes during pregnancy certainly added another layer to the whole experience. At times being pregnant and managing diabetes sucked. There’s the added fear of how diabetes can impact the pregnancy and bub’s health (not to mention their entire future). On top of ensuring we eat the right foods and physical activity to support our health, we need to make sure our sugars are well and tightly managed. The physical and mental effort that goes into that is enormous, not to mention the guilt that plagues us when we feel we are off track.

On the flip side, as a high-risk pregnancy, I was monitored extra closely. It meant going into the hospital every three to four weeks for appointments, with more regular check ups closer to my due date. Each hospital visit would take 2-3 hours at best, not including the two hour round trip travel. I ended up taking a lot of days off work to make time for these appointments. But at each appointment I would be rewarded with the sound of my baby’s heartbeat.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I cherished every movement I felt from bub. Even if it sometimes was a hard kick to the ribs or a punch to the bladder. Each time I reflected on my pregnancy with my husband, we were blown away by the sheer wonder and miracle of life. I would often think about my little girl growing up to be a strong, independent, bright and sassy woman. What would her personality be like? How would she respond to the world we are bringing her into? I imagine her laughing, playing, crying and being angry and my heart swells with love and protectiveness over her.

At the same time, there is a tinge of sadness when I think of our child; especially when I think of all the little ones whose souls weren’t ready for this world and my friends who haven’t been as lucky as we have. I remember feeling the wave of emotions each period brought along with it while we were trying. It takes so much resilience and patience to keep pushing through.

And now while I’m sitting in hospital literally counting down the hours to meet our little girl, I can’t help but feel so overwhelmed. We have received so much love and support from family and friends throughout this journey and our bub has already (and will undoubtedly continue to be) spoiled silly by everyone around us. To say I am grateful and humbled doesn’t seem to be sufficient but it’s certainly a start. I know that whatever happens from here on in, we have one amazing village to support us on our journey onwards.