A few days ago, I saw my amazing diabetes educator. I went in with such trepidation because even though I knew I needed to change up my diabetes management I wasn’t sure if I was ready to make changes psychologically. It actually took me a while to make the appointment as my last one got canceled and I never made a new one. But I knew I had to do it.
Over the past several months, I was getting increasingly frustrated as I watched my fasting sugars slowly creeping up. I also got very emotional when my correction doses seemed to be doing nothing to budge my sugars. Life gets pretty difficult when you’re constantly having to top up your drink bottle, needing to pee and fighting off a headache and brain fuzz.
Of course, I tried to troubleshoot the issue myself. First, I thought it could be a bad site or insulin batch. But the highs still remained after I changed both of those factors. A friend had mentioned that perhaps I was building up resistance towards my insulin; an issue not commonly talked about but anecdotally very real.
Then I thought about the other contributing factors called life. The past 18 months have been filled with major life changes. Adjusting to living away from home, working full time, managing Beta Change, changing my exercise routines and changing my eating habits all probably played a part in making diabetes a little more challenging to manage. Not forgetting the added stress that comes with all of those changes!
When my diabetes educator suggested that we review my basal rates and insulin sensitivity factor, I felt relieved yet slightly defeated and upset. I couldn’t help but feel like I had failed in successfully looking after myself by needing to increase my insulin needs. And this had nothing to do with my diabetes educator. Throughout the appointment she was nothing but supportive, motherly and hilarious as usual. My worst enemy is me and my perfectionism.
I caught myself thinking these silly thoughts and told myself off for having them. Firstly I have not failed in looking after myself as I’m currently chatting with my diabetes educator on how to make my diabetes management more efficient for me. That’s part of self-care! Secondly, I needed a self-reminder to cut myself some slack. Given all the things I’m involved with, I should be proud that I’m managing to fit in regular exercise and making mostly healthy meals at home. None of these indicate that I’m a failure.
Finally, medication and technology are there to help me live my best life with diabetes and at the moment I feel that I am living my best life. It may be busy and stressful at times but I love the challenge my work brings and the sense of fulfillment with Beta Change. So if a few more units of insulin means that I get to continue to enjoy all of this, then so be it.