It’s one of those weeks/months that diabetes is frustrating me. It hasn’t been this way in a long time for a number of reasons:
– I’ve just changed my meds from Metformin 1g tds (three times a day) to Metformin xr 1g qd (once a day, I’m trying to familiarise myself with med acronyms for my project’s sake)
– I haven’t changed meds in at least a year and a half only doses of insulin which was manageable.
I think new tablet has made me re-evaluate the way I’ve had to carb count and adjust my insulin. The new metformin I’m on is an extended release version. So it goes for 24hrs (much like Lantus does) and it’s also a third of the dose I’m normally used to. So what is happening at the moment is that my levels are rising up. My fasting levels were between 4-5 and nor they regularly sit from 5-6. I used to hypo around morning tea time, but now I can last all the way to lunch and still get 5s (yay for this aspect) but between lunch and dinner if I have afternoon tea, or even sometimes if I don’t, my before dinner sugars are sitting from 7-14. Very different from my usual 4-5s before dinner.
I’m starting to slowly raise my Lantus (seeing as I’ve dropped it down from 20 to 18 to 16 to 14 to even 12 a week before I changed metformin tablets). My endo did mention that I would have to increase my insulin if I’m taking xr. I was quite happy with my last regiment. But to prevent my GI tract from stuffing up even worse than it is now, she though it would be best if I had something that wasn’t as strong.
Another thing is that beforeI felt compelled to eat meals tds just so I could have my metformin but it feels weird not having to take tablets after my food at lunch (I still need my vitamins in the morning) almost feel unnatural this freedom!
Together with all the other stressors going on in my life right now, I have to fight even harder and be stronger to get through with everything. Taking things meal by meal, day by day.
I won’t lower my standards for anyone/anything in my life just so I can pretend that I’m satisfied because deep down I know it is a lie. I won’t be satisfied until I’ve reached where I want to be and be with who I want to be. If that means putting my head down for two more years and studying my ass off, I’ll do it. And nothing will stop me or get in my way. Not my diabetes, not my health, no one. They might be small hurdles I will overcome but every challenge is one more lesson learned.
I often think what I would do if someone had a cure for diabetes. It reminds me of the scene in X-men origins where they had cures for mutants. What would I choose? I feel that personally, I would be insulted. I feel that it’s a part of me and I don’t think it’s something can part with (the complications of it yea sure…I don’t think I will enjoy having foot ulcers etc). It may be a struggle sometimes but without it I would be as grateful for so many things as I am now.